I’m not one of these perfect women with their perfect lives. I still have no idea how to get what I want. And I want it so much!
He’s been quiet recently. There’s no words between us. Blank spaces. In all this mess I’ve lost my tongue and I’ve drowned my ideas. I don’t know what to say to avoid awkward silences. Again. I used to have so much to tell, today I don’t say anything. And on the end of my tongue I have so many hidden thoughts, unspeakable sentences, experiences. I wish I could share all of this with him but I don’t feel like he wants it anymore. Maybe not now. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe never.
He has bitten my sensitivity. Today I can going back home barefoot through the sidewalk full of glass, exhausted. I have time to do make up how I like – red lipstick and eyelashes only, on the top. My eyes are so big and I have those glasses that I don’t know what era they are from (60’s or 70’s). I put them on my nose and don’t look back. That’s what he said: don’t look back. So I look in the future, even if I am these fifteen steps before him. He got lost, I went further.
I keep quiet recently. Sometimes just getting angry, exploding. I will never grow up. And I know it’s not this place and not this time… For the rest of my life I will feel same, that I meet people in improper moments, unsuitable places. And more often I’m thinking about packing my suitcase and escaping as far away as I can. And don’t confuse my life anymore.
There’s silence between us because we are lost for words. Don’t you think I’m exaggerating?